Old Taylor Swift is dead. May New Taylor Swift forever reign in terror

Taylor Swift has been sorted into Slytherin, and she's bringing a new banger to their house parties.

If the snake videos weren't enough of a clue, Taylor's enemies have driven her to a poisonous place -- or so she'd have us believe. "Bad Blood" will go down as a bratty tiff compared to "Look What You Made Me Do," a message from the all-new Taylor Swift, a first offering from Reputation that's dripping with lethal venom.

"I'm sorry, the old Taylor can't come to the phone right now," she sarcastically snarls during the break. "Why? Oh! 'Cause she's dead!"

RIP sunny, lovelorn Taylor. Long live dark, vengeful Taylor. 

May she forever reign in terror. 

SEE ALSO: You'll never guess how many times 'Taylor Swift' appears on the 'Reputation' cover

If this first single in three years is to be believed, Swift has been progressively provoked from shaking it off to lashing out -- a pivot to villainess that we we've been rooting for, because frankly, it's about time she showed her true self. 

And like that other slinky, scaly anthem it evokes -- Britney Spears' "I'm a Slave 4 U," she's not trying to hide it -- "Look What You Made Me Do" is complete with forked tongue. It starts right from the first verse: "I don't like your little games," Taylor softly hisses after a creepy strings-and-plinky-piano intro, ending it with "No, I don't like you."

For all of those who believe that Taylor's real life spills into her lyrics, well -- have fun fan-theorizing this one:

I don't like your perfect crime

How you laugh when you lie

You said the gun was mine. Isn't cool

If it wasn't for that cryptic gun reference, we might think "Look What You Made Me Do" is a string of Game of Thrones references. Hard not to think here of Arya Stark's current vengeance tour as the rest of the song plays out, starting here:

But I got smarter I got harder in the nick of time
Honey I rose up from the dead I do it all the time
I got a list of names and yours is red underlined

Phew. The last time Taylor told us about her list, she was going to write our name into a blank space on it. Now she's looking to cross it off.

And then there's the constant refrain of "Oo, look what you made me do," words that ooze with the unhinged logic of a deranged killer in a Tarantino movie. This isn't an emotional outburst or wistful "Say you'll remember me"; this is Taylor looking at the wreckage of a vindication, a stinging fait accompli of vengeance. 

And calling it your fault.

The world moves on another day another drama drama 
But not for me not for me all I think about is karma 
And then the world moves but one thing's for sure
Maybe I got mine but you'll all get yours

And so let the speculation begin: Who, in her life, is getting theirs?

Is it Katy Perry, whose Swish Swish video dropped (and dropped, and dropped) this very morning? That is some instant karma indeed, and just the kind of calculation we've come to expect from Taylor. Too good to be coincidence. 

What about Tom Hiddleston? Ha! That just seems silly. He's too sweet for Taylor's malevolence games; but rumors have certainly flown, and will fly again when we get the rest of this record. And just how long is that enemies list, anyway? Who's on there that we don't know about?

Whoever they are, they're scared now.

It's hard to imagine anyone could sustain this kind of bile for an entire sequence -- they're called diss tracks, not diss albums, after all -- but if Swift is going this serpentine at with her first single, it's not hard to imagine Reputation slithering from head to tail when it comes out Nov. 10.

Don't make any sudden moves, wear heavy boots.